Feaverish

A lot of you have been asking how a rugged, active guy like me keeps his hair looking so Jude Law-scious all the time. Maybe he’s born with it; maybe it’s Johnson’s® Baby Shampoo.

As an enthusiastic but top-heavy urban cyclist, fairly ¾ of my precious shower time is spent trying to get a congealed mass of blood, bugs, and gravel out of my hair. But harsh shampoos and cleansers left my hair feeling dry and stringy!

Baby shampoo to the rescue. It gets rid of all the gunk but leaves my hair as greasy soft as a fry grill plush doll. Not only that, but my head smells like baby all day. If there’s a more potent aphrodisiac than baby head smell, science has yet to discover it. Women who normally wouldn’t spit on me with a ten-foot pole throw themselves on me like I’m the Pope’s grave [too soon. — ed.] if the shampoo tricks them into thinking I’m burdened with a child.

Seriously, they should bottle this stuff.