Feaverish

Did I mention we got an office dog? Well, we did. Heidi. And she’s awesome. She’s some variety of Corgi, with that little clitoris of a tail that just kind of throbs back and forth when she gets excited.

Huh. That metaphor proved to be disturbingly appropriate.

Anyway, it’s been pretty fun having her around. She was initially shy, and would glare at you like you were crazy if you tried to pet her, but she’s gotten over all that. So much so that she feels free to take (surprisingly large) dumps in the most inaccessible indoor locations. She also peed at the entrance to my office, as though to mark her territory, but I showed her what’s what by peeing longer, harder, and in greater volume on exactly the same spot, rendering her comparatively pathetic emanation null and void. She still hasn’t really forgiven me. Nor have my coworkers, for that matter, even though I claimed to have learned the technique from the Monks of New Skete. So it goes.

As far as her performance as an employee, well, the verdict’s still out. She barks a lot, and there’s the whole indoor defecation thing, but other than that she’s shown little management potential. I don’t cotton to office gossip, but so far about all she’s been good for is blaming farts on, and that job’s already taken.

I do have high hopes, though. I’d like to rig up some kind of harness or something so she could, like, take messages around the office, or maybe bring me cold ones. Also if I could get her to bite people when they don’t obey my commands, that would be awesome. Here’s what I have in mind: